I've seen much better days than the last month or so.  After that unforgettable Spanish vacation I seem to have sunk into a prolonged slump, aggravated by quite a number of factors -- the weather, being single again after a long time, lack of motivation to work, etc etc....  I've been keeping myself busy by taking up cooking, playing more tennis and badminton, going to the gym more and keeping myself constantly abreast of local politics via the TV and newspaper (maybe that's also a big reason for this depression). 

I mentioned being single again.  There's a bit of an emptiness inside, but it doesn't really stem from missing my ex per se.  Hey, ex#5 actually got together with ex#4 (who I had dumped for ex#5 over a year ago) just two days after we broke up.  Weird thing was that ex#4 had been crying his eyes out professing his love for me just a week before they got together.  Ain't that swell?  But seriously, it doesn't really bother me, and I sincerely wish for their happiness.

Being single again has given me a lot of time to focus on myself, and a lot of times I am so thankful for the freedom to do as I please.  So why is being single again also bringing me down?  Maybe it's just the lack of a companion or person to talk to anytime you feel lonely or down, especially at this point when I'm in the doldrums.  Maybe it's withdrawal from that short-lived romance in Spain, which thankfully I quickly got over.  Maybe I miss that emotional whirlwind from falling head over heels for someone.  A lot of maybes, but the reality is that I know I have to live with being single for a while, especially since I might be leaving the country before the year ends, and since I've become more cynical yet also wiser about love.  No more rushing headlong into relationships.  No more promises I can't keep.  I don't even care much for casual sex anymore.  I'm growing old, I know.

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Incidentally, for the first time two nights ago I listened carefully to the lyrics of Diane Reeves' Better Days.  I didn't know it had such an interesting and inspiring lyric.  I had only thought of it as some singing contest-karaoke-comedy bar-birit-diva favorite.  I mean, who could resist these lines?  "Now she's flying, and sliding, and gliding in be-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-etter days" and "I can hear her say, I-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i can hear her say..." 

Better days will come.  I know it deep down to the ends of my toes.